Heavier things

Today was a pretty intense day. It's 10pm and I'm already in bed at the hotel (which has a shower!) instead of watching the optional movie.

I'm not sure exactly where we went, but it was somewhere near the Tanzanian border because we all got automatic texts on our phone welcoming us to Tanzania and giving us the phone number for the Uganda embassy. Even my blackberry doesn't do that...

But I digress... Today we visited a refugee settlement (which differs from a camp in that it is much more permanent) that has around 50k refugees from all over Eastern Africa including Rwanda, Sudan, The Congo, Somalia, Ethiopia, and Eritrea (though when talking to them we found out that the nationalities live separately and have very little contact with each other). We got to pick which group to go talk to, and since they all seemed equally interesting and distant to me I picked Ethiopia cuz I figured that it might be nice to actually know something about Ethiopia since I frequent those restaurants in the US so often---

Side note: pretty much everybody else here seems to have a strong background in African history and politics. I am constantly kicking myself for not having done more reading before I got here, considering that the only courses I'd ever taken relating to africa were The AIDS Epidemic and African Civilization to 1800---

Ok. Back to the point: talking to the ethiopian refugees was definitely the most powerful experience I've had in uganda. They had a lot to say about their feelings of complete helplessness because the kids only had minimal access to education, and the adults had no access to education, books, or other methods of self-education. Also, the refugees had little access to ways of making a living so most of them just sat around all day doing nothing and living off of the small amount of food they received for free. Many of them were successful businessmen in Ethiopia but when they fled (for political reasons) their money was all taken by the Ethiopian government. It was really horrible to see the conditions they were living in and the general state of idleness that blanketed the settlement. One of the men we were talking to (the chairman of the village, I think) said that it often felt similar to jail, except that in jail people were at least given opportunities to increase their chances of success once they were released. The Ethiopians in particular also expressed frustration that they were being forgotten while the rest of the world focused their aid onto much more prominent issues with larger numbers of IDPs (internationally displaced persons) such as the Sudanese.

The refugees in general were pretty disgruntled with their current situation and a few outright said that they felt hopeless, but when we asked if there were any positive things about the settlement they did say that they were thankful they had a safe place to be. I am glad that they seemed to be completely honest with us without making us feel like we would have to push to get any substantial answers.

There was one woman off to the side who we asked to breifly just tell us about life as a woman in the settlement. She very matter-of-factly told us that her husband got a job in Kampala (which is at least a 5 hour drive... I'm not great at all this geography yet) and can't come home very often. She decided that she needed to make a little money to feed her children so she openned a small dry goods kiosk in the settlement. Her husband, however, does not like the fact that she is making her own money, and every time he comes home he beats her. Our guides (all men) translated this story for us and then explained in less academic terms that this was common because it is a characteristic of PTSD, basically using this excuse as justification for this woman's husband.

The refugees were not like any other people I have ever talked to in how honest and assertive they were about their frustrations with those in power/ anybody with money (as I sat there guiltily holding my backback with camera, ipod, blackberry, and bottled water inside). When we asked them if they had any questions for us, expecting inquiries about American perspectives, they instead asked us why this was still happening to them after years of complaining and basically why we weren't doing anything about it. At least I don't think that the people we were talking to actually expected us to be able to provide an explanation-- though they did ask for money later, to which we honestly explained we had been instructed that we were not allowed to leave anything behind (so that future visitors would not be swarmed). Other groups did not have such lucky experiences. Some refugees were very resistant to having us as visitors because visitors always come and ask for information but never do anything in return to make refugees' lives better. It was sort of a "why should we help you if you won't help us" attitude. A lot of students had trouble taking it as a general frustration instead of personal attack. While I didn't take it personally, I still left feeling guilty and like a generally horrible person.

We spent about an hour on the bus afterwards discussing whether it made more sense for us to just go talk to them or whether we should have done some sort of service project instead. While I think most of the other students would not agree with me, I think that just talking was the best thing to do. We are here to learn about issues and really understand the lives of the people living in Uganda so that we can come back home, finish getting all grown up and out of college, and then, with a true understanding of the needs of these people from their level, coordinate action to improve their lives and do infinitely more good than we would by spending a few hours helping build a house or plant seeds.

Another nagging thought: there are just so many idle people here who are contributing far less to the community than they take out of it. It just doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense to pump all this aid money into the economy if it's just going to end up going out again to the large, international companies that provide all of Uganda's many imports. More on that later though. I don't think I know enough about it yet to be able to defend that thought. Just a first impression.

With that thought, I am going to go try to sleep this off a little bit and mentally prepare myself for the Rwandan genocide memorial on Wednesday (we travel all day tomorrow). Sorry to post such a depressing note, but that's kind of the place I'm in right now. I don't have any pictures. I think we objectified the refugees enough for one day...
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