While I by no means fit in even a little bit, I think I am starting to find my stride. I've gotten over being embarrassed to ask random strangers how to get to a location I can't pronounce, and I was assertive enough and spoke Luganda well enough on the taxi a few days ago that the conductor asked me whether I knew Luganda. I've even gained enough confidence in the kitchen that I bought grilled cheese ingredients to make as a tea time (evening tea. There are 2 tea times a day) snack tomorrow.
While I was prepared for this semester to throw my world view for a huge loop, actually having it happen is impossible to prepare for. I have started to feel connected to the people and culture here in a way I didn't expect, there's something about fighting to pile into the same taxis, slipping down the same muddy hill, bargaining with the same fruit sellers in the market, and being coated in countless layers of rich, red dust at the end of the day that makes me feel a sense of acceptance and belonging. Obviously I stand out a lot, but there is something to be said about not doing the typical "muzungu" thing and traveling in special hire taxis and eating in overpriced restaurants that automatically gains me respect from most of the people around me. I've developed a sense of when to stand my ground and when to just let things be, despite disagreeing with them. Of course, I get at least one curve ball thrown at me every day and, while I like to think I've gotten better at rolling with the punches (can I use those 2 sayings in one sentence?), I've learned to accept and even laugh at the fact that no matter how hard I try, it is impossible to always keep my composure.
Ugandans, as a culture, have been incredibly accepting. I actually think Americans have a lot to learn from them. While parts of Ugandan culture are definitely oppressive and stuck in tradition, I have yet to meet a person who is at all distant and serious. The concept of a stranger is just different here. Everybody smiles and jokes with each other even if they are just passing by each other. I don't think I am doing a good job explaining this at all, so I will just leave it at Uganda is a family.
A thought that I've been mulling over in my mind since I've been here is the idea of "developed" and "developing" countries. I won't elaborate on this too much, but the Ugandan lifestyle is much more sustainable than the American lifestyle. The creative frugality, non-consumerist culture, and sense of community responsibility of Ugandans often seem far superior to the flashy, competitive world view of Americans. It definitely makes me think about how I define development.
This is not to say that I plan on coming home and self-righteously scorn hot showers, trips to the mall, or splurging a little to go out to dinner with friends. Rather, as of now what I really would like to bring home with me is the ability to be able to just sit, doing nothing, and just enjoy being. I like where my life is headed and I don't feel a need to slow down. I would just like to get better at more often finding quiet and contentment in the eye of the storm.
My mom sometimes laments that she raised such a city girl who doesn't appreciate nature as much as she should. And it's kind of true. Despite my experiences here, I would still agree that dirt and bugs aren't really my thing. Lately though, I have found that I have more of a connection to nature than I (and maybe mom, but since she's reading this I won't speak for her:-)) expected once I get past the dirt and bugs. I really thought that the hardest thing for me would be constantly feeling dirty and not as generally put together as I like to think I usually am. Surprisingly, the "roughing it" aspect of this program has not been something I've noticed much. If anything I've just started to channel my 5-year-old self that didn't pay any attention to tangled hair and grass stained pants. One of my biggest frustrations right now is that I am pretty much never allowed to take off my shoes because of the wonderful little worms in the ground that like to burrow up through the bottoms of your feet.
Truly though, I am not totally roughing it (which is relative anyway since most of the world lives like this). At least I have a bed, most of the time electricity, and sometimes even a toilet. Michelle, my roommate studying with SIT in Tanzania, put this all into perspective when she texted me the other day that she was currently in a tent on a safari with wild animals all around. And even she has a cell phone. That is one of the weirdest parts about this. Even though I am living in the middle of Africa without running water, I can check the news, do a google search, type and post this blog, text with friends in Tanzania, Morocco, France, and St. Louis, and check and respond to email all from my bed thanks to the invention of the blackberry world edition.
Anyways, since I am clearly not far enough outside my comfort zone, my new (and hopefully permanent) proposal for my 6 week research/ practicum is something along the lines of emotional sadism. The plan, as it stands, is to work with women (and sadly also teenagers) in northern conflict areas who were raped, or kidnapped and then raped by rebel soldiers and now, as a result, are pregnant or have children. I want to study their reintegration into society, despite huge stigmas and isolation from the community and their families. Not exactly sure of the research question yet, but I think it should form pretty easily once I do a little more research...
I feel like my posts lately have been pretty serious. I actually am having a good time and have some pretty funny stories so I will make an attempt to be conscious of including these as well as the serious stuff, because the fun stuff is impacting my experience here as well. Here's to a fantastic 2nd month!
And with that, I am signing off for today. And that's the way it is
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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